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Non-attachment

When we first learn about non-attachment we tend to overshoot and think it means not caring about things. We confuse non-attachment with detachment when it's really about not clinging to things. It's about understanding that everything changes and everything is impermanent and it doesn't make sense for us to pretend otherwise. In fact, that pretending is the source of much human suffering.

Non-attachment says:

  • I will hold things lightly. I will not push away the unpleasant or cling to the pleasant.
  • I will accept the pleasant things while they last and not wish for them to last beyond their time.
  • I will accept the unpleasant things while they last and not wish for them to end before their time.

FIXME - I don't really care for the following and maybe I should just whack it. TBD

If someone you love dies and you're sad then that's fine, being sad is completely appropriate. What you shouldn't do is tell stories about your sadness. Just feel the sadness without telling yourself how “heartbroken” or “devastated” you are. Just feel, and try to avoid labeling the feelings because labeling leads you straight into story telling.

The same applies when you fall in love. Just enjoy the feelings without labeling or telling yourself stories about them. See, if you tell stories you'll be all “this is great” and “this is going to last forever” and that's just silly talk because we know that nothing is permanent, we just don't like to think about that. But Buddhism is all about thinking about that.